i write this blog on a pillow on my lap with my four day old son asleep on my left arm. it's the day after christmas and i can't help but be amazed that this is where i'm at- a beautiful baby boy and me at night on the couch at home.
just 4 days ago, jason, dana, and i sat on this couch watching tv and it was at 4:30 i heard and felt a pop in me and i got up in a hurry. "my water broke," i said and there was a flood of water suddenly pouring down my legs and pooling on the floor. dana and jason rushed for towels and i stood there shaking as they cleaned me up. all of us were in a little shock.
i had lost my mucus plug earlier that day after lunch at the wolf run, but i didn't think it meant much. now though, my heart raced and i thought, i got to pack my bag, i got to get it together! and i had to get out of my skirt and drawers. everyone busied themselves. i was shaking while packing baby clothes in the nursery- the room became really real.
then i calmed down and felt really good and clear headed. i felt ready. dana and jason passed this birth partner book back and forth and got a notebook out to record my first real contractions.
well, hours passed. my contractions were great, all 7 to ten minutes apart, i laughed and talked my way through dinner and some yahtzee and felt very positive. my water had broke at 4:30 just when jeopardy comes on. jason and i like to watch jeopardy when he comes home from the park. so it was around 10 when i decided we all might as well go to bed because nothing was really changing. the hours had zoomed by though. i figured that maybe tonight was the night, but most likely the next day.
at 10:30 in bed, i felt another pop and again jumped up. bloody water gushed out. jason got up, turned the light on, and we sort of stood there not knowing what to do. then jason decided we ought to call the hospital and so i did. the nurse said, yup, you better come in. i said, right now? and she said, come on in right now. i told jason and he jumped to action, put on his clothes to start the car and dana had got back up downstairs. but i didn't want to go. i felt like i hadn't really labored at home for as long as i could. that was my original plan.
i got into my freshly washed skirt, my only maternity outfit, and we all bundled up and carried our stuff out the door. i said goodbye to bruna.
on the porch, i got a contraction and had to stop and bend over until it was over. we all piled into the taurus and drove off into the snowy night.
i been down sheeps creek road hundreds of times, but i saw everything different suddenly. it was all clear and dark and intense, every bend in the road, ann's greenhouse, the turnoff for the parks highway and the lights of other cars.
i had a couple more contractions and these were getting a little serious. i remember pressing my palms on the window and kind of humming.
we got to town and all of us were quiet. i saw the hospital looming big and silent and suddenly jason had pulled to the emergency room entrance with its red lit up letters. dana and i got out and went inside. i noticed some real tired people setting in there the way emergency room waiting rooms are. the reception area had a star of david banner. i felt good still, and like there was a good chance we'd get sent home. jason came in with all our stuff and i felt a little silly.
then i got another contraction and i had to set down. i saw a blonde older woman coming down a hall for us and i made myself get back up.
we rode the elevator, us three and the nurse. she said her name, valerie, and she was very quiet and had little expression on her face.
but when we got to my room, 217, she said, "i saved my favorite room for you." i remembered it from the hospital tour. she told me i had to be examined and put on a fetal monitor and so i took my thermal pants and drawers off, but left my trusty skirt on. my skirt stayed on the whole time.
i got on the bed and from here on out, did not leave the bed very much except to use the bathroom. all my good plans to listen to the boss and roll around on the birthing ball never happened. i got hooked up to the monitor, was told i had elevated blood pressure, and that i might should get on an iv for dehydration. i realized that i was rolling towards being out of control and my contractions centered themselves in me like a radiator in my guts. i know i stopped talking much and began gripping the bed rail. still, i spoke up for myself and said i didn't want an iv, that i'd instead try to hydrate myself.
the room stayed semi dark and i was aware of jason and dana hovering. but mostly i felt really alone like i was retreating from the situation. i remember making myself go to the bathroom and having contractions on the cold hard floor and thinking, "i ought to lock the door and labor in here."
i began to shake and sweat by this point. i can't explain what was happening, just that i had entered a world far away- like some kind of nightmare. i remember yanking on my hair and biting the bed rail and then thinking, this can't be happening. jason and dana talked at me, soothed me, but they became one shadow that sort of hovered between this crazy world i was in and reality.
the only real person became valerie. i kept my eyes closed most of the time, but would peek and see valerie and she was like my long lost mother, this older, quiet blonde haired woman. i called out for her over and over and she would come and hold my hand, strength for strength, and we'd go through a contraction together, she said, "you're about to peak, you reach the peak, it's done, it's past..." i don't know what i would've done without valerie. she was like a lifeline.
you'd have to ask jason and dana what all was going on for most of those hours. i remember valerie saying i was 7 cm dialated at one point and therefore i was in the homestretch. i wanted an epidural and she said, you can make it without one, you're so close now. so i believed in her and myself i reckon. i felt like a savage!
the contractions got so close together i was pretty sure i was gonna die. i realized another woman was in the room, a very authoritative voice. it was lisa, the midwife. i think i remember tables being drawn from the walls, lights turned on, more action.
then dana had my leg up in the air and bent it at some yoga angle and i was mad and didn't like it at all. but she insisted and someone kept saying, this is going to help open you up. by this time, i was ready to push. valerie gripped my hand and she breathed through with me, made me not push. not pushing was horrible i have to say.
but then, like a light in the dark, i heard lisa say i was good to push! i left that nightmare world i was in and suddenly decided, i got to get down to business for real.
they said i pushed for 25 minutes, but it seemed even shorter than that. i attacked pushing. i summoned up every past, present, and future power in me and pushed. i felt the ring of fire and this just fired me up more! i thought of this son i was about to meet.
they said they could see his head and all his hair and i knew that i was really almost there. lisa was great. she told me exactly when to push and counted them down. jason and dana each had a hold of one of my legs and were counting down and telling me i was so strong.
i felt my baby's arms and legs like some wild octopus in me, about to spread out. and then after a mighty push, i saw him. it was the most wonderful moment of my life. lisa put him right on top of me and i was laughing and just so, so happy. i laughed because his umbilical cord tickled inside me. i saw jason crying and i wanted to cry too, but i was too overjoyed!
giving birth was the best experience of my life. i am so grateful to the hospital staff, especially my nurse mama valerie. and dana, who cried at the birth of my son while holding onto my right leg. and most of all jason, my husband whose constant support and quiet strength willed me to keep on keepin on.
lisa stitched me up as i had tore during pushing. i never thought i'd be the happiest woman in the world with my legs open getting my lady bits stitched, but that's what being a brand new mama to a beautiful boy is all about.
Baby Jack Nolan Jones was born at 3:20 AM on December 23rd, 5 days early. He weighed in at 7 lbs 5 oz and measured 21" long. He is absolutely beautiful with dark gray blue eyes, dark brown hair, and i call him my sweet muskrat.
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